Gossip is a terrible thing. I should know.

I’ve done it. 

I’ve seen what it can do (or I should say undo) to schools, churches, Little Leagues, and marriages.

Even me.

It’s ugly.

So, when I started a new job in my 50’s, I decided I would purposely avoid gossip and negativity.

Here’s what I found.

Gossip and negativity can be very sneaky.

I learned to be wary of conversations that begin with:                                                  
“I’m worried about________,” (You’re not worried) 

or,

“I don’t want to complain but…” (Yes, you do)

Or even, 

“I don’t want to name names but…” (Yes, you do)

I’ve also found a casual “Good morning!” or “How’s it going?” can be met with

Eye rolls or
“Great.” (obvious sarcasm) or,

“Don’t ask,” 

Each response begs a response like, “Is everything okay?”

Then, watch out!

It’s easy to be drawn in to gossip and negativity.

After all,

Gossip and negativity are everywhere!

I was driving to work, this subject on my mind, trying to think of examples of gossip and negativity in our lives. As usual, sports talk was blaring from the radio.

Then it hit me. I am getting a steady dose of gossip and negativity every time I turn on the radio, scroll through social media or run into my neighbor.

It’s everywhere. Right?

So, what do I do?  

I can’t hide. I don’t want to be a hermit.

I also don’t want to be the Gossip Police and address every negative word I hear or think I hear.

Sometimes people ARE just blowing off steam.

So, here’s what I found.

My resolve to be gossip and negativity free requires compassion. (If I want to have friends)

When I was a teenager, I used to fill my mom’s ears full of negativity.  

I was a great complainer.  

I complained about teachers, youth group leaders, friends who were gossips. Especially when their gossip was aimed at me.

My Mom gently reminded me of an old proverb that said something like,

“If you overhear someone gossip about you, remember that you have gossiped about others.”

I didn’t like hearing it, but she was right.

Mom wasn’t condoning gossip but encouraging compassion.  

Still, there are so many situations where gossip and negativity pop up in conversation.  

What do I do?

I found myself wanting an approach. 

An outlook.

Here’s what I found.

The best way to deal with gossip and negativity is to be for everyone.

That doesn’t mean I’m responsible for everyone.

I’m simply for everyone’s success and happiness.

Everyone.

There are drawbacks to this outlook.

I don’t get to be in cliques.

I don’t get to ostracize anyone.

I don’t get to blame a coworker’s offhand comment for my bad mood.

On the plus side, I never have to worry about my words coming back to me.

Like, “Hey, I heard what you said about me…”

I am for the targets of gossip.

I am also for the gossipers.

I am free to show compassion to everyone.

Including myself.

Finally, after years of trying to live this way, one of the best side effects is how I feel.

Relaxed.

Free.

Happy.

Some people say I’m fun to be with.

I could say who, but I don’t want to name names.